Hello Urban Women,
Lately I've noticed that the majority of my time is spent responding to my fan mail. I'm hoping that by blogging some of your top Qs I will have more time to dedicate to some of my other ventures, like my new slimming beauty hosiery line for children. This should serve as a quick guide to everything you need to know about me and my Urban Lifestyle.
Q: Urban Woman, why are you so pretty?
A: Well ladies, let's just say my look is the perfect fusion of genes, jeans, and nip tuck.
Q: How did you get your start in the blogosphere?
A: Since I was a baby I loved fashion, entertaining and living life to the fullest. My mom tells a super cute story about me that I just have to share!
When I was two years old I was like, "Mom, can you drop me off at the strip mall?"
And she was like, "No way, you're credit card is maxed".
And I was like, "But mom, there is a mega blow out at the Tommy Hilfinger outlet store... Puh leeeese".
So my mom dropped me off and I bought a faux fur vest on layaway.
Q: Who are your role models Urban Woman?
A: Obviously I don't have the time to name every person who has had a major influence on my life, but here are some of my top picks!
Donna Joe Tanner
Bella Swan
Tiffany Amber Thiessen
Chris Gaines
Q: When you order a sub do you get regular mayo or low fat?
A: I usually bring my own special sauce that is the perfect combo of sweet and savoury.
Urban Woman's Special Sub Sauce
1 part apple juice
1 part Heinz bean gravy
1/2 part MSG
Shake well and enjoy
Q: What advice would you give to to someone who wants to be less rural and more urban (and also struggles with Rosacea)?
A: First of all what a great question. This can be a really tough transition but I admire you for taking the first steps. It can be a shocker to go from rural to urban in one fell swoop. I recommend you take a couple of jaunts into the big city to slowly get a feel for the urban vibe. Make sure to pack your stilettos and some extra cover up (for the rosacea). Consider hitting up some of the hottest clubs during the day to plan out which speaker you may want to dance on when you decide to venture out for a night on the town. Another fun idea is to take a taxi to your fave fast food hotspot so you get a sense of having your own driver. And remember-non stop selfies so you can scrapbook your rise to urbandom.
Q: How do you achieve balance in your ultra busy uber urban life?
A: When I go to the gym I really focus on my core strength. Not only does this lead to the ultra bikini bod, but it also helps me stay upright when wearing my highest heels in an ice storm.
Keep those questions coming ladies!
Until next time,
Urban Woman
Tuesday, 4 February 2014
Monday, 13 January 2014
Olym-Picks
Hello Urban Women,
Today's blog is dedicated to the 2014th Olympiad. There has been tons of crazy hype leading up to the games all the way from what Jennifer Lawrence will be wearing on the podium to the latest Putin toppings (did someone say extra gravy?). I have always loved cheering on the buff urban athletes from my neck of the woods because they look great in spandex onesies and they usually know the entire national anthem-unlike the other sports heroes I've crushed on in the past who usually have to hum at least a few bars.
Sochi is the host city of this Feb's games. When I think Russia I think vodka (pronounced wod-ka)! Here is an Olympic cocktail sure to win a gold!
-Add one ounce vodka to a blender along with a drop or two of sweat from your fave athlete
-blend with snow from the polar ice caps
-serve in a trophy (I use the mini replica of the Stanley cup I won in my ladies bowling league)
-garnish with a laurel headband
-you can add food colouring to represent a person's personality or their favourite Olympic ring
Here are my best guesses for gold this winter!
Urban Woman
Today's blog is dedicated to the 2014th Olympiad. There has been tons of crazy hype leading up to the games all the way from what Jennifer Lawrence will be wearing on the podium to the latest Putin toppings (did someone say extra gravy?). I have always loved cheering on the buff urban athletes from my neck of the woods because they look great in spandex onesies and they usually know the entire national anthem-unlike the other sports heroes I've crushed on in the past who usually have to hum at least a few bars.
Sochi is the host city of this Feb's games. When I think Russia I think vodka (pronounced wod-ka)! Here is an Olympic cocktail sure to win a gold!
Soooo-Totally-Chi Vodka Cocktail
-Add one ounce vodka to a blender along with a drop or two of sweat from your fave athlete-blend with snow from the polar ice caps
-serve in a trophy (I use the mini replica of the Stanley cup I won in my ladies bowling league)
-garnish with a laurel headband
-you can add food colouring to represent a person's personality or their favourite Olympic ring
My Olym-Picks
Here are my best guesses for gold this winter!
Johnny Weir
Easily confused with KD Lang, this diva can triple sow-cow like no other! His love for fine faux furs and the hetero-agenda make him a top gold medal contender. Please note his penny shaped nips which expand while he catches a chill on the ice.
The Jamaican Bobsled Team
Bobsled has always been one of my fave events because of how it titillates me. I mean, who doesn't like watching a fast moving phallus careen down an ice canal? I have high hopes for Jamaica this year because they finally put John Candy on a low carb diet.Quatchi
The search is over Urban Women! The sasquatch was right under our noses this whole time! Hailing from Vancouver, BC, Quatchi is representin' for all the Bigfoots. He will most likely win the medal for creating happy hearts and memories!
Olympic Trendz
- Create a jazzy themed necklace by stringing red, yellow, green, blue and black lifesavers onto a piece of (used) dental floss to make an Olympic necklace
- Sport your gym clothes (paired nicely with ugg boots) in public all month to show that you too are an Olympic hopeful
- Have a marijuana cigarette with Michael Phelps
- Exchange all the window coverings in your house with either red or iron curtains
Urban Woman
Friday, 6 December 2013
Yuletide Sacrilege
Hello Urban Women,
This time of the year always gets me thinking about my spiritual femininity as an Urban Woman. While I was busy making macaroni angels as giveaways for my annual Yuletide Bash and singing along to Boney M, I had some time to think. Most recently the miracle of the Virgin Mary (not to be confused with the fab cocktail Bloody Mary) has been on my mind. How did she manage to stay so pure and yet have it all? You know, a husband who wasn't an ass, but rode an ass, a totally natural manger birth, and a celeb son-all with her hymen intact! People are paying good money for hymen reconstruction these days. It seems like Mary was the original Urban Woman.
I have decided to take a tweet from Mary's twitter account and make my life a little more like hers. Here are some of my ideas that you could DIY.
Fact: Mary followed the stars to get to the manger.
Instead of following the stars I have decided to create my own starlight in my bedroom so I can gaze all night long. This is a simple DIY project.
1. Get out a saw and cut a hole in the ceiling
2. go to the local hardware store (obviously wearing your tightest fitting mini with a tool belt accessory) and pick up a roll of see-through plastic
3. staple plastic around the ceiling hole to stop weather, insects, and an excess of stardust from falling inside
Fact: Mary used hay as an interior decorating accessory.
I have taken my upholstery and pulled all the stuffing out and replaced it with hay.
Fact: Mary has songs written about her.
I am hoping my blog will inspire someone to sing about me. My agent has reported that there is some interest from the likes of Ke$ha, Sheena Easton and Lance Bass! I can just hear it:
Away in an Urban Loft,
No King for a bed,
The petite Urban Woman
has extensions covering her head.
The stars in the ceiling,
Look down every night,
And Little Urban Woman
is so thin, she has no appetite.
If you aren't as famous as me think about purchasing some little lambs to get noticed on the streets.
Fact: Mary appears in many famous paintings.
I have been taking a lot of selfies lately and instagramming the shit out of them.
Mary Christmas!
Until next time,
Urban Woman
This time of the year always gets me thinking about my spiritual femininity as an Urban Woman. While I was busy making macaroni angels as giveaways for my annual Yuletide Bash and singing along to Boney M, I had some time to think. Most recently the miracle of the Virgin Mary (not to be confused with the fab cocktail Bloody Mary) has been on my mind. How did she manage to stay so pure and yet have it all? You know, a husband who wasn't an ass, but rode an ass, a totally natural manger birth, and a celeb son-all with her hymen intact! People are paying good money for hymen reconstruction these days. It seems like Mary was the original Urban Woman.
I have decided to take a tweet from Mary's twitter account and make my life a little more like hers. Here are some of my ideas that you could DIY.
Fact: Mary followed the stars to get to the manger.
Instead of following the stars I have decided to create my own starlight in my bedroom so I can gaze all night long. This is a simple DIY project.
1. Get out a saw and cut a hole in the ceiling
2. go to the local hardware store (obviously wearing your tightest fitting mini with a tool belt accessory) and pick up a roll of see-through plastic
3. staple plastic around the ceiling hole to stop weather, insects, and an excess of stardust from falling inside
Fact: Mary used hay as an interior decorating accessory.
I have taken my upholstery and pulled all the stuffing out and replaced it with hay.
Fact: Mary has songs written about her.
I am hoping my blog will inspire someone to sing about me. My agent has reported that there is some interest from the likes of Ke$ha, Sheena Easton and Lance Bass! I can just hear it:
Away in an Urban Loft,
No King for a bed,
The petite Urban Woman
has extensions covering her head.
The stars in the ceiling,
Look down every night,
And Little Urban Woman
is so thin, she has no appetite.
If you aren't as famous as me think about purchasing some little lambs to get noticed on the streets.
Fact: Mary appears in many famous paintings.
I have been taking a lot of selfies lately and instagramming the shit out of them.
Mary Christmas!
Until next time,
Urban Woman
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