Kisses: It's Valentimes Day!

Hello Urban Women,

Valentimes is such a romantic time of year-especially for someone as whimsical as me! I am so in love with love, cupid is basically my conjoined twin. One of my top trendspotters on the west coast discovered the best new Feb 14th flare. Say goodbye to vajazzling and hello to the twat toupee! This is one sure fire way to knock your sexy up a notch with a simple yet elegant garnish for your girlie bits.  Not only do they add an urban flare to your genitals, but they also can hide those home laser hair removal burns, and patchy hair bits from wax jobs gone wrong.

These flirty styles are also created from free range local farm operatives. The Foxy Bikini fur is shaved from a rare exotic pink fox and the Carnivale is made from feathers plucked from endangered song birds. After I got mine installed I wore low riders to let the feathers poke out a bit for extra tantalization.


Carnivale Bikini



Foxy Bikini



NGL* I actually thought of this idea a long time ago, but my design got held up in the patent process. My twat toupee prototype was the tail of a Davy Crockett beaver hat for the main fur-less nether region with optional danglers for both the pits and nips. Talk about beaver fever... All were adhesed with low carbon emitting uhu stick. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for the company that has struck it rich with this copied idea! Girl power!

Leave it to Beaver: Urban Woman Twat Toupee circa 1992

I hope you all find a super Urban Stallion to giddy up with this Valentimes Day! xoxoxo <3 <3 <3

Until next time,

Urban Woman

*not gonna lie

Groundhog Au Jour D'hui

Hello Urban Women,

Due to the outpouring of love and requests to find out from the whore's mouth about what happened today at the groundhog ceremony I thought I would do a quick post to keep my readers happy!

As you've probably heard Mr. Bill Furry did indeed see his shadow which is both good and bad news. Obvi it's good because I don't have to send him to Turkey to get retinal replacements from the human body black market. It's also good because I am so not ready to lay off the 'snow angel' who shovels my sidewalks pro bono. He is a super babe (think Nick Cage meets Dakota Fanning; rough yet delicate, my sort of Urban Man!).

And now for the bad news regarding B. Furry seeing his shadow...he has since sunk into a deep and dark depression because of his self described "bloated shadow." As a result of this he has reduced his food intake to the dust he licks off his own fur. I have created an awareness poster as well as placed a pocket sized mirror in the Groundhog Coop to stop further incidences of R.D.D.*

Stay warm Urban Women. And please remember, you can never look in the mirror often enough.

Until next time,

Urban Woman

*Rodent Dysmorphic Disorder

Groundhog du Jour

Hello Urban Women,

As you probs guessed this post is all about Groundhog Day! This day is really important to me because it helps me decide when I should put my winter tube dresses away and pull out my spring collection (sneak peak-gauze, neons, & bleach stained denims!).

Tbh*, I have a dirty little secret-I am a groundhog breeder. That is why I get so jazzed for Feb deuce. In my spare bedroom I have groundhog coop installed in preparation for Y2K. I figured that if the world ended at least I would have the resources to create a stylish new fur vest and have a fan club to read my blog to. Obviously, 12 years later, I am one of the most well known and respected breeders in the Urban world. I wash my groundhogs' hair with tresemme on a biweekly basis, give them each a V05 Hot Oil treatment per annum, and feed them a diet of tuna snack packs and peeled grapes. The Omegas keep their coats really plush and the organic food keeps them lethargic so they are easier to manage.
Tomorrow you will see one of my fave groundhogs-his name is Bill Furry.

If he sees his shadow I will be so proud because it will mean his eyesight has not been permanently damaged from his stint in the tanning bed. If he doesn't see his shadow then we are in for an early Spring Break (hello Cancun, jello shooters, and bikini bathers). In keeping with pop culture trends I had Bill Furry fitted for a set of vampire teeth. If you can, try to catch a glimpse of me behind the camera man on your local news station. I will be the one with big sunglasses and a hotdog in my hand trying to coax Mr. Furry out of his hole.

Stay tuned for my steamy Valentine's Edition coming soon!

Until Next Time,

Urban Woman

*To be honest