Groundhog Au Jour D'hui

Hello Urban Women,

Due to the outpouring of love and requests to find out from the whore's mouth about what happened today at the groundhog ceremony I thought I would do a quick post to keep my readers happy!

As you've probably heard Mr. Bill Furry did indeed see his shadow which is both good and bad news. Obvi it's good because I don't have to send him to Turkey to get retinal replacements from the human body black market. It's also good because I am so not ready to lay off the 'snow angel' who shovels my sidewalks pro bono. He is a super babe (think Nick Cage meets Dakota Fanning; rough yet delicate, my sort of Urban Man!).

And now for the bad news regarding B. Furry seeing his shadow...he has since sunk into a deep and dark depression because of his self described "bloated shadow." As a result of this he has reduced his food intake to the dust he licks off his own fur. I have created an awareness poster as well as placed a pocket sized mirror in the Groundhog Coop to stop further incidences of R.D.D.*

Stay warm Urban Women. And please remember, you can never look in the mirror often enough.

Until next time,

Urban Woman

*Rodent Dysmorphic Disorder

Groundhog du Jour

Hello Urban Women,

As you probs guessed this post is all about Groundhog Day! This day is really important to me because it helps me decide when I should put my winter tube dresses away and pull out my spring collection (sneak peak-gauze, neons, & bleach stained denims!).

Tbh*, I have a dirty little secret-I am a groundhog breeder. That is why I get so jazzed for Feb deuce. In my spare bedroom I have groundhog coop installed in preparation for Y2K. I figured that if the world ended at least I would have the resources to create a stylish new fur vest and have a fan club to read my blog to. Obviously, 12 years later, I am one of the most well known and respected breeders in the Urban world. I wash my groundhogs' hair with tresemme on a biweekly basis, give them each a V05 Hot Oil treatment per annum, and feed them a diet of tuna snack packs and peeled grapes. The Omegas keep their coats really plush and the organic food keeps them lethargic so they are easier to manage.
Tomorrow you will see one of my fave groundhogs-his name is Bill Furry.

If he sees his shadow I will be so proud because it will mean his eyesight has not been permanently damaged from his stint in the tanning bed. If he doesn't see his shadow then we are in for an early Spring Break (hello Cancun, jello shooters, and bikini bathers). In keeping with pop culture trends I had Bill Furry fitted for a set of vampire teeth. If you can, try to catch a glimpse of me behind the camera man on your local news station. I will be the one with big sunglasses and a hotdog in my hand trying to coax Mr. Furry out of his hole.

Stay tuned for my steamy Valentine's Edition coming soon!

Until Next Time,

Urban Woman

*To be honest

New Year's Revolution

Hello Urban Women,

We made it into the new millenium safe & sound! You go gurls! I can imagine that many of you have been spending time with an avo-oatmeal face mask on sitting in your boudoir thinking about your New Year's Revolutions. I always take this time of year super seriously-it is a great time to look back on your accomplishments and feel your self esteem kick up a notch. It is also a great time to think about what is yet to come and how you want to be part of it. For this reason I think of every new year as a revolution-to be more specific, an urban revolution.

I would usually provide a live stream of my revolution session, unfortunately I spilled non fat soya matcha latte with extra whipping cream on my webcam, so I'll just have to tell you about it.

Achievements

(think of Urban Woman with a canvas and some neon highlighters brainstorming. This canvas will ultimately be auctioned off for my favourite personal cause- profit)

• got asked for I.D. at the liquor barn 4 times in 2011
• had at least 2 offers to create an Urban Woman Recipe Book (I turned these offers down because the publisher wanted to take a different creative direction that undermined my culinary spark)
• went from square nails, to pointy nails, to stilleto nails, and successfully back to acrylic extenders
• my blog was critically acclaimed with over 1 person who signed up as a follower
• I am the main hub on facebook, tweet###, and myspace for Urban advice
• lost .75lbs in water weight by spitting into a cup for an entire morning
• lived, loved, laughed, created, coaxed, cumin, examined, wrote, dreamed, imagined, journey, adventured, celebrated, became a star, danced like everyone was watching (especially you big brother :)), cooked, mingled, marvelled, sabotage, isotope, urbanization, etc.......

Revolution

(This process is more creatively introspective, I usually put on painter's garb and a tam for the visioning phase, I also survive on a diet of ritz crackers and low grade sparkling grape juice)

• Take the drive-through world by storm by having exact change
• target the tween demographic for blog subscription
• change lives one day at a time
• start wearing more stylized che guevera gear, turn that drabby old t-shirt into a slutty sophmore costume
• exchange margarine for butter and cool whip for jello pudding at every turn
• get more Urban Men contact deets for my little black berry
• memorize the lyrics to the new Nickleback album
• Expand the use of emoticons to mainstream urban culture

:) smilez

;) winkz

:0 OMG

}:( time for botox-check out those furrowed brows!

('')--  tadpole

Hopefully my creative process will inspire yours-remember Urban Women, when you are this fab you have no excuses to not be fighting for the Urban Revolution: Aunt Urby Wants You! (totally love this sporty tee for 2012)



Until next time,

Urban Woman