Same, Same But Different

Hello Urban Women,

This blog post is about all the things that are the same, only slightly different. After reading this you should notice that you are better able to spot differences and have a better eye on diversity.

CSI Miami & CSI Original
These two classic crime solving series are virtually the same in terms of drama, fast paced action, celebrity cameos, and fantastic abilities to be an expert on everything. The main difference is geographical. Obviously one is set in Miami and the other one is in Las Vegas. Even though both cities are in California the cultures are very different. Horatio also seems to have a slightly higher profile than the un-named main character from Vegas. The other difference is Will Smith has a hit song called Miami.

Justin Beaver & Ellen Degeneres
These two top performers may share the same haircut but when you look closely you will find that Justin has a slightly more olive skin tone and Ellen has had a swagger coach for a little while longer, hence her dance moves.

Manicures & Pedicures
Both involve stylish sexy nails, a bubble bath, and radical nail art. The difference is one involves the hands and the other the feet. This can become confusion when thinking about pets, but for humans it is pretty obvi. Mani-comes from the word mannequin meaning hand model and Pedi comes from the word peddi cash which is what is usually used to give a tip to the salon owner. I recommend a daily dose of both!

Boxer Shorts & Tighty Whities
Some say under garments are under garments, but I say boxers and tighty whities are the same same, but different. For example, boxers have a wider leg and tighty whities aren't always white. Sometimes they are grey or brown or blue. In some cases they are bright yellow. On an Urban Man I prefer the classic lines of the y-front. But we all know that underneath a pair of wide leg exco jeans anything can look sexy!

Twins & Dopplegangers
Twins can be deceiving. Sometimes they look totally the same, but sometimes they are an illusion. Mary Kate and Ashley have always freaked me out in this way...note how they are never pictured together? Exactly. Dopplegangers are more like a fake twin, but 2 people can still share the same genetic make up even from across the world.

Frosted Tips & Gel Tips
These two types of style must haves can be confused because of their similarity (they both end with the word 'tips). Note that frosted tips are a total studly way to jazz up your locks (think the pop sensation boy band B44) and gel tips are the only way to keep your fingers looking slender and natural. If you were to pair them together you would probably start getting tips for being so fashion forward! Money, money, money!

Keep your eyes to the ground for these tricky things that can seem deceiving. After all, we are all Urban Women, yet most of you are looking up to me! Same same, but different.

Until next time,

Urban Woman

How to Put the Sexy in Your Halloween Costume

Hello Urban Women,

Halloween is just around the corner-I hope all of you have planned your Monster Bash party for the weekend and better yet, have your costumes ready for Monday, Oct 31! Did I mention how glad I am that Halloween does not fall on Friday the 13th this year?

While most of you have probably been prepping your costumes since July 4th (go independence day! I love you Will Smith!), I still thought it would be helpful to throw some tips your way.

Here are some of my fave costume ideas for 2011. Remember that it is always the safest bet to include an over the top (OTT!) sexual inuendo-this tends to help people lower their inhibitions and have a way cool time.

-Pam Anderson (circa 1999)
-The Cable Guy
-Provocative Vampire (think Kristin Steward mixed with Buffy St. Marie)
-Naughty Girl Guide (bring some of your fave cookies to hand out as party pleasers)
-Sexy Nurse (mini pill bottles filled with E will be a total hit)
-The ghost of Tupac Shakur/Biggie Smalls (bring some mix tapes as favours)

-Macaroni Angel (attach rigatoni and spaghetti to a burlap sack, spray paint yourself metallic hues and photoshop a halo for yourself ad hoc)

-Christmas Tree-let your breasts be the ornaments! Dangle tinsel as seasonal pasties

If you choose to go trick or treating be sure to bring some of your best tricks along incase anyone asks you to perform! I know this is a totally vintage tradition, but I love the resurgence of Urban trends from days gone by. Here is a list of some of the tricks I have up my sleeve:

-singing a few lines of my fave Alicia Keys/Kelly Clarkson/Amanda Marshall song in perfect pitch
-Front handspring
-Origami Jack O Lantern (on the spot, with photocopied instructions incase I miss a step)
-toilet papering an entire urban block
-instead of egging the house I bring a tray of deviled eggs to offer to the home owner (see recipe below)
-put a plastic bug on your face and pretend not to notice it
-speak in acronyms (omg lol wtf, u dn't hav low phat candies?)

Deviled Eggs Recipe

1.Hardboil a baker's dozen eggs

2. Cut them in half to let them cool (leave the shells on)

3. Mix together in a separate bowl: sweet gherkins, relish, bread crumbs, and vanilla yogourt

4. Scoop the eggs out of the shells, discard

5. Fill shells with mixture and sprinkle with mashed ketchup chips, leaving some whole to protrude out as devilish horns

6. Enjoy!



Urban Women-promise to stay safe for Halloween. I have heard a few Urban legends about people sticking razor blades inside their Spooky Give-A-Ways and I believe everyword of it. Take your candy stash to an airport and run it through the metal detector before eating anything. Also be sure to use crosswalks wisely and if you are going to take a ride from a stranger make sure your human GPS microchip is switched to 'on'.

Be safe, sexy, and have fun!

Until next time,

Urban Woman

A Note on "Forwards"

Hello Urban Women,

Since I still have a cold and flu that seems uncurable (I spent 8 hours in the emergency room only to be sent home with nothing but an extra large nose tampon), I have had a lot of thinking time. As a result of me being so busy it is rare that I get time to sit and reflect, so obviously the topic of my musings is a deep and meaningful one-forwards, of the email variety.

I have heard various people whining about forwards, as though their sole purpose is to fill their junk inbox. For me, forwards are sacred. Not only do they show how often you are on people's minds, but they also can be totally uplifting and inspiring. I also get some great new product suggestions via forwards-such as goji juice, penis enlargement supplements, and starting your own business online. And you can imagine how good I feel when I know that women really are in sisterhood and angels are watching me.

I also tend to have supersitions about forwards because in the past bad things have happened when I did not follow the simple instruction to "forward". This one time, I got a forward (see below), and I only sent it to 10 of my closest bffs instead of the 100 it requested. The next day I ended up in the slammer for copyright infringement (under the guise of indecent exposure-hey, I was hosting a fashion event...). What goes around comes around.

Prison vs Work:

- - - - - - - - - - - -

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK....you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day (free).
AT WORK.....you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK.....you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
 
What I am really saying here is forward this Urban Woman post to all your friends and family or you will end up living a life of boredom, style mishaps, and suburbia!
 
I have created my own forward too. I hope you take the time to post it to your friends email, twitter and facebooks.
 
URBAN WOMAN FORWARD-send it to 15 bffs and within 15 days you will have 15 new friend requests on f.b!
 
Live life to the fullest, it is the small things that bring love to our hearts.
Post a photo of yourself looking your best on all of the mirrors in your house. This way when you are having a bad hair day you can pretend you look like you do in the photo.
Small feet are like kittens, they never stop giving.
When you say "I'm sorry" look up and to the left, this will make people think you are lying. Even if you're being totally honest.
 
Being Urban means you are connected to the streets and even more connected to the world wide webs. If it weren't for urbanization we wouldn't have smog coloured moths, a middle class, or street sweepers. Nevermind the abolishment of cottage industries-the epitome of country lace drapes. Love your urban neighbours every day!
 
Remember, if you don't forward this you will lose all of your friends on fb to those who did forward this!
 
Until next time,
Urban Woman