Contagion

Hello Urban Women,

Good bye sun spots, hello cold & flu season! It is crazy to think how dangerous life on planet earth is-we are always at risk of something. I remember learning this lesson the hard way when I was a teen. She was one of my fave gal pals even though her face was unsightly and filled with acne. I made the mistake of having one of her Halloween chocolate bars and totally caught the acne! That was the point in my life when I created one of my first trends-homemade masquerade masks! I wore one every day until my acne flare decreased. Next thing I knew all the trendsters were wearing their very own version. Although this experience came out positively in the end, you can imagine the horror I felt at the contagion.

At this point in my life I am starting to feel a little tickle in my throat. Some may want to blame the season, but personally, I blame the people who pick their noses, pee on their hands and don't wash them, and last but not least, the individuals with pussy eyes. I have a few guidelines laid out for how to best avoid catching a cold or flu this season!

• bedazzle your very own sars mask with gold pirate chains so your personal protective gear can double as a fashion accessory. Carry your mask everywhere and do not be ashamed to put it on when you feel you are around the hygienically impoverished.
• Fill your bathtub with vats of disinfectant. I usually do a mixture of hand sanitizer, lysol, CLR, and lemon rinds. At the end of each outting when I return home I spend a few minutes with a scuba mask on totally submerged in this mixture. It is the only way to kill off those germs.
• Gloves are our friends-there is nothing worse than having to shake hands with the devil (so to speak, the germ devil). After a handshake dispose the glove in your nearest biohazard receptacle.
• Positive thinking can get you a long way in life-create an effigy doll of a stranger or an acquaintance who has crossed you...if you start feeling ill pass the energy onto someone else!
• If you do use all of my tips and end up ill I recommend a day of watching sex in the city reruns, blogging, and eating cool whip right out of the jar!

Look out Urban Women, these mega bugs are starting to threaten our very society. Write to your local political spokesperson and request an updated list of conspiracies about how these things got started. If you know the cause, you know the solution!

Until next time,

Urban Woman