This time of the year always gets me thinking about my spiritual femininity as an Urban Woman. While I was busy making macaroni angels as giveaways for my annual Yuletide Bash and singing along to Boney M, I had some time to think. Most recently the miracle of the Virgin Mary (not to be confused with the fab cocktail Bloody Mary) has been on my mind. How did she manage to stay so pure and yet have it all? You know, a husband who wasn't an ass, but rode an ass, a totally natural manger birth, and a celeb son-all with her hymen intact! People are paying good money for hymen reconstruction these days. It seems like Mary was the original Urban Woman.
I have decided to take a tweet from Mary's twitter account and make my life a little more like hers. Here are some of my ideas that you could DIY.
Fact: Mary followed the stars to get to the manger.
Instead of following the stars I have decided to create my own starlight in my bedroom so I can gaze all night long. This is a simple DIY project.
1. Get out a saw and cut a hole in the ceiling
2. go to the local hardware store (obviously wearing your tightest fitting mini with a tool belt accessory) and pick up a roll of see-through plastic
3. staple plastic around the ceiling hole to stop weather, insects, and an excess of stardust from falling inside
Fact: Mary used hay as an interior decorating accessory.
I have taken my upholstery and pulled all the stuffing out and replaced it with hay.
Fact: Mary has songs written about her.
I am hoping my blog will inspire someone to sing about me. My agent has reported that there is some interest from the likes of Ke$ha, Sheena Easton and Lance Bass! I can just hear it:
Away in an Urban Loft,
No King for a bed,
The petite Urban Woman
has extensions covering her head.
The stars in the ceiling,
Look down every night,
And Little Urban Woman
is so thin, she has no appetite.
If you aren't as famous as me think about purchasing some little lambs to get noticed on the streets.
Fact: Mary appears in many famous paintings.
I have been taking a lot of selfies lately and instagramming the shit out of them.
Mary Christmas!
Until next time,
Urban Woman
